We had out Bible study last night, I was going to come out and say what has been going on, I felt like God was telling me to let it out, but I couldn’t….saying it out loud makes it real, and I can’t take it back once it is said. And now I feel awful because I felt like God was telling me to share, that maybe someone on their had something to tell me from Him. Why does my mind over rank sometimes! I am working on my study Dangerous Prayers, if you have never read this book, man I am only 2 chapters in but I highly recommend it! Anyway…he is talking about Joy in suffering…James 1:2-4 “consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” Then of course at first my mind goes to do I want to be that mature in Christ, isn’t there any other way. And then I think back to Jesus and the Garden of Gethsemane where He prayed for the cup to pass from Him, immediately He went to God’s Will, I wonder will I ever get there?

I keep seeing my dad towards the end of life, and it scares me so much, I look at my boys and wonder will they watch the same thing. They have already had their share of trauma, but God brings good out of everything, so if that is what happens, then He will bring them good. I am still so very up and down each moment. I am excited for the webinar this Saturday, the dr I am scheduled to see in June Dr. Judge will be on there. I am hoping I leave with so many more answered questions and a better sense of how far they have come since my dad passed. But in reality I shouldn’t need that, my faith should rest in God and His plan. Still working on that…God make me willing to be used as an open vessel…..

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