I had genetics counseling yesterday, and it was an eye opening experience. We talked about how there is HOPE, there are so many more treatments now then when my dad was sick. She gave a good explanation of what Amybolyd is: we all produce proteins on our body, with me my protein is sticky and then attaches to the organs causing them to get stiff and not work. She said that there are new treatments out that can help with making it not as sticky to give you longer. I think at that point I just broke down, thankful for hope but the sound of giving me longer was a lot to take in. I try and keep as much from Brad as I can, because I don’t want to burden him, but also so afraid that once I start the tears they won’t be able to stop. But yesterday I let him in a little bit, and God showed me why I should even more.
He said that God was already in this 10 years ago, because of my dad, I have caught mine early (the genetic women said that I caught it early too) that my dad paved the way, that God used that to bless me and my sister who has the gene as well. It is such a battle between believing what I know to be true about God and seeing my dad’s end times and wonder if thats going to be me. I know I need to change the picture and I know I can’t do it on my own, Jesus help me change the picture. In my Dangerous prayer ( a book I recommend) we are on the break me part, that in our suffering God is refining us, changing us, and on the other side is beautiful….I can write that down, but I want my heart to 100% believe that no questions asked, just believe it with all I have. Today we have the webinar in about 10 minutes, I am hoping I learn so much more.
The genetic counselor got in contact with Dr. Judge after we talked and he gave her his personal number and email for me to email him. I think I will today after the webinar. I told her thats the worse to know you have this, and with all thats going on waiting, what if waiting takes a year off my life, what if waiting means I can’t do a certain drug because my heart is too thick now….there I go worrying again instead of giving it to God. I heard a song yesterday, and they were talking in the middle of it saying that in every situation God is always in control………wish me luck….pray over the webinar that God speaks to me through them.