The webinar went great. There are a lot of drug treatments out that can extend life longer, I really need Jesus to get the fate of my dad out of my head. I can not do it on my own. I also talked to Dr. Judge and instead of June he is going to see me this Thursday. It will be virtual because of the Covid-19 but at least he can look at my echocardiogram and all my symptoms and we can get a game plan going.Today has been a great day, I am so focused on making memories with the boys and Brad, leaving a legacy behind. I have always been one to take notes during Sunday school and church but I am more detailed with them now, I add things I want them to know in case when they are older I am not here. 18 that has been my prayer God, just let me be here to walk them into adult hood. We adopted them, and when they turned 18 was when we were going to sit down and let me see their file if they wanted to, I want to be there as a mama. I want to walk them into their next steps. Then immediately I get that prick of a feeling, what if that is not God’s plan.
I can tell God has been reaching out to me, through messages, through songs, and through emails of freebies that have come in. I was in the middle of applying to get my masters at Southeastern, I was currently working on a certificate program, but now I am not sure thats what God wants me to do. I don’t think its the knowledge in my head thats the problem * I mean we all need Head knowledge * its believing all He says even in times of trial and suffering, maybe He just wants me to walk with Him deeper, my heart and not my mind. Be still and know that I am God…has always been hard for me, I want to take control, I want cliff notes, but thats a lot of I’s in that statement isnt it. I want to get to a point I am thankful for Amyloidosis….I pray I can get there……for now I have a glimpse of hope in treatment advancements….and a day full of memories with my favorite men, big and little…..peace God give me peace….