” when you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;the flames will not set you ablaze.”–Isaiah 43:2 This is what I want to keep on repeat the flames will not set me ablaze. I don’t know if I heard Dr. Judge wrong or it was just what I wanted to hear at that time. The infusion he wants to put me on doesn’t stop the gene but it slows it down greatly. They way it was explained to me was right now my liver is producing the TTR gene like a water faucet, and once the infusion starts it turns the faucet down to a trickle. Of course all I heard at that point was you are still going to die from this, Jesus I am trying, I am trying so hard, and I know I can’t change my focus without you. I know I can not get the picture of my dads journey out of my mind without you, please help me have in the front of my mind, the flames will not set me ablaze!

Please help me remember when in the water you will be with me. I called the insurance company yesterday to see about the cost of the infusion. After our 3000 deductible we will be responsible for 25% of the cost, that was a huge blow. I still don’t know the exact amount because without a code they can’t tell me, and I have to have the scans done first. But someone from the Amyloidosis support group said that the company does offer help as well, I am trying to trust God, that He will make a way.

There is a whole lot of trying, I will be so glad when I am just am…not trying but there…when I am jumping out of my “boat” and swimming towards Jesus fully trusting Him, when I toss my “net” down and follow Him no questions asked. God has really been laying it on my heart to share, how can He get any glory if I keep it hidden. I have started to share with people like a trickle from a faucet, lol. I am trusting God will tell me just the right time to tell anyone else, I have trusted Him so far but being so open, being so vulnerable, not being able to keep up the strong front is scary. I think I finally get it, I can not do this on my own, I always wondered what all that would look like, what people meant when they said without Jesus they couldn’t make it, now its crystal clear….I can’t even get my mind right without Him. Jesus…..Just Jesus. To those that are reading this, thanks for walking with me on this journey…..You, me, and Jesus how can we go wrong!

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