I have a peace that can only come from God, because even as I am sitting down to write this my mind is trying to steer me to the “bad” things. It’s a surreal feeling to have peace with a progressive fatal disease, but I do and my mind is having a hard time comprehending it. I know that it is God alone that is holding me in this place, because I am unintentionally trying to pull myself down. Every Saturday I have been praying that God speaks to me loud and clear on Sundays, clear and loud on what He wants me to hear, these past two weeks have been emotionally draining as He has been doing such, I said I wasn’t going to ask this Saturday, but I did. He spoke again, in Sunday school class, we are 1 Corinthians and chapter 6:13 it says that my body isnt my but God’s. I am here for Him, to spread His word, to use something that is His that He lent me, so why do I feel like I have the right to complain?
Then last night when we were outside playing the Christian radio a song I never heard came up called You Get The Glory From This by Jonathan Traylor (check it out) it starts off…this is so heavy, and its bringing to my knees, Im crying out Lord, I need you know, to come and see about me, Why is this life so hard, Why do you seem so far, but if this cup wont pass, help me to stay steadfast, let Your will be done, You get the glory from this, and my soul leaped….if this is my walk, if Amyloidosis is my cross to bear then yes let God get the glory for this! I don’t know what tomorrow looks like, but right here in this moment, I have taken the peace that Jesus has promised me and embraced it. I know He is here, I know He is working, even with the test being moved to Charleston. I have had more people reach out to me, to offer rides, to watching to boys, I have had people send me Amyloidosis information, more prayers being sent to heaven over this, then I could of ever imagined.
I am so thankful for a God that is alive and moving, I am thankful for the moves that I didn’t understand at the time, make sense now, I am thankful for the people He has placed in my life. I am thankful for all the ones that continue to pour into me and help build me up and grow in Him. I know each day with my mind will be a battle, but I know each day I wont be alone, look to Jesus. I am hoping we get the scan done soon, but more importantly I am hoping that God uses me through this to give Him all the glory, because without Him I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed and deal with any of this. Thank you all for walking on this journey with me, thank you for the prayers, thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus. The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace. –Psalms 29:11 Thank you Jesus!!!