By this time tomorrow the scan will be done, I talked to Dr. Judge today and he said I should have the results Wednesday and that I wouldn’t need to go back down to get the results he can call me with them or do a video/telehealth call. I have the weirdest feelings, I have a peace and yet a bundle of nerves at the same time, its almost as if I am split in two. I have trouble with IV’s, they can never seem to find a vein or it blows. One surgery they had to call in the IV team (yes they have those) and the other time they were ready to put an IV in my neck, yeah I told the dr you are going to have to give me some good stuff before you come at my neck with a needle, lol! But I find comfort in the people that God has placed in my life, blessings and prayers that have been sent that I can’t explain but from Him.
So I know that He is walking each step with me. But at the same time I have this feeling like after tomorrow my whole life changes. Up until this point Amyloidosis was just a word I typed on a screen, but tomorrow, its like we go head to head. Tomorrow my heart shows how much is taken over by Amyloid, tomorrow its no longer just a word. All day today flashes of my dad have been in my head, and I doubt I will be able to sleep much tonight. Brad can’t come in so him and the boys will hang out and do fun stuff and pick me up when I am done. I want to at least see the ocean while I am there! I have a good playlist and things to read, and I am praying that God guards my mind during the scans, because being alone with thoughts sometimes is dangerous. I wish my faith was stronger, thats what I hope to gain through all this that my faith grows stronger. I have peace but there is always that lingering worrying feeling in the pit of my stomach or the back of my mind, and I want it gone. I want whatever road God takes me down, that I am at peace with it, no lingering feelings. ……
🎼so now I pour out my heart to You…here in Your presence I am made new…You know my name…..You know my name…..o how You walk with me, O how You talk with me, O how you tell me, I am Your own……God you know..so I trust you with my life….NO FIRE CAN BURN ME…NO BATTLE CAN TURN ME NO MOUNTAIN CAN STOP ME BECAUSE YOU HOLD MY HAND!!!!!🎼
I may need to have this song on repeat! God is with me, He is already in tomorrow, He already has the results Wednesday, He has me. I got this, He sent people to me, I got this, I got this.