Changing…

It has been great and frustrating with my sister here, which sounds weird. She has been such a great help, and we always do projects and such. We redid the boys room, and got moved some storage furniture around and still have more to do. I enjoy our conversations so much, and its just great having her here. So why frustrated, part of it’s me and my lack of faith at times.

My body is the frustration, can’t do many store like we used to, the feeling of my legs being cement blocks and numb at the same time, my hands going numb and dropping things. I am 42, and to me thats still young and it just gets me angry. But then who am I angry with? Sunday school during the lesson Pastor Dusty said about how much Jesus suffered and how could we complain with the little bit of suffering we have here on earth. I felt so tiny, he is right, I just some days can’t seem to get my mind there.

Amyloidosis came in and rocked my world with my dad, and then it just was a name, till I started having symptoms that just couldn’t be explained. Our particular gene mutation is one that should start later in life, and mine is on the younger side to start, and I can’t help but wonder why. Was it something I did? A lesson I needed to learn? I know God’s glory will come out of it, but the selfish part of me wanders if it could of been later in my life to start. Its frustrating to have my legs and hands not fully work. I am still waiting to hear about the medicine, it was just submitted Friday to the insurance. That will slow the progression down, my sister has faith that it can reverse it, in some studies it has, I am afraid to get my hopes up on that. I know God can do miracles, but the whole His will and His plans aren’t always mine. My sister has one more week here, and that makes me want to cry, we don’t see each other enough, life is so short, Amyloidosis takes you to places you wouldn’t normally think of daily. I am so thankful for her, and the friends that Haagen in my life that are walking this journey with me. God has been blessing me each step of the way……..