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Had a great sermon last night, talking about being thankful for the suffering, trial, or where God has you. Most of the night I was up thinking of this, how can I be thankful for Amyloidosis? I am in some ways, in some ways if you take the anger away I am scared. Scared of what the road looks like, not the pain for me, not the end for me, but for my boys, Brad, and my friends. Scared of the accommodations to be made. Today I woke up with a headache, chest hurts, and I am so swollen I feel like I am rolling instead of walking.
So how in all this can I be thankful? Since March I have grown closer to God then I would have any other time, I was complacent where I was, could even say I had more lukewarm days then hot. In this diagnosis I was drawn to Him, not just for me but to leave a legacy for my boys on whats important. Notes I take, notes in my Bible, I want them to see a Jesus loving Mama. I also want them to see no matter what you face, human emotions happen I have a range of them but to depend on the One that matters at the end of the day, dont stay in those feelings. I see life in a different light, I see the end, thats each day, each second shouldn’t be taken for granted. My sister and Brad got tired some nights but I wanted to keep going, not that I wasn’t tired but I am more aware of time, and how precious it is, something we all forget as life moves so quickly. Each day I depend on God to get me through, today I have two boys who need things, life needs to happen in this house no matter how much my body wants to lay down and just quit, if it wasn’t for God I wouldn’t be able to do the basic things. I don’t know why God has me walking this Amyloidosis road, but He does and I am trying to be ok with that, and one day I am hopefully to be thankful for that, because the Bible says He means good for me. One day at a time, and today maybe one second at a time…..but keep moving forward!