Hard to believe that I am a very private person, right someone who has a blog. With my blog I can hide, with my blog there are many people who dont know me, and not all my friends are invited. So when my Tuesday crew came to me, and said that God laid it on there heart to help, my first reaction was no, no, no and some more no. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so I did the most normal thing to do, I didn’t answer them, lol! But in true Michelle fashion (she pushes me at the right times) wouldn’t let it go and messaged me.
My response was that if God laid it on their heart then it must be something He is trying to do. I always share the lowest of the lows in my valley and I want to share a hilltop moment. I struggled with the help because God will provide, but maybe this is His way of doing so. I struggle with “my story” because I don’t want to lose Faye in the process, but what I have come to realize in the past few days is, its not “my story” its HIS! I am and should be honored that He would use me. Last night I was in a lot of pain, so God and I had lots of time to talk. I know that since March I have grown in Him in ways I would never have been able to without Amyloidosis.
FAmyloidosis made me stop thinking I am in control of it all because I am not even close. I have no control over the insurance, the trial, when the medicine will start, but I have control over how I walk with Amyloidosis. What light am I shining mine, or His? What are my kids seeing? Yesterday Bradley and I had a talk, he was upset about something he didn’t like, and I dont know where the words came from but they ring truth. I don’t want to be sick, I don’t want to feel like my body isn’t mine, but this is where God has me right now, and how I react to defines who I am and where I am with Christ. It was like God just smacked me in the face, and was like well duh Faye. I have no doubt that I will be healed here or in heaven, I can say what my heart truly feels but thats not always the most popular opinion. While Gofund me is not my choice of things, and I am one that hates asking for help God brought it out for a reason, and I can not wait to see what He does with it. My hilltop moment, is that God is using me to do mighty things, and that He sent me some awesome friends that regardless of my stubbornness to do things on my own, plow ahead with what God wanted. I am so thankful I have a front row seat to all that God is doing….