This weekend we went to Gatlinburg Tennessee for a football tournament for Bradley’s team. We left Friday, and we all were super excited to watch some football and make memories. It was great, then around 5:00 my body started to betray me. the boys had to go and check in and get pictures done, so we were standing around waiting and my heart rate kept jumping, I was finding it hard to breath, and my legs and stomach swelled up so big it was so uncomfortable, by the end of the night my stomach revolted as a cherry on top. I reached out to one person to pray, I have a hard time asking for prayers, something I am working on but thats where I am at. She then reached out to 2 other groups, and I had a bunch of ladies praying for me, and I know them going to God is what got me through. Friday night I slept maybe an hour, every time I laid down, I couldn’t catch my breath, I could feel the fluid just sitting on my chest, and my heart rate kept climbing. Saturday after the game, we had all these plans, and instead of me actually doing them, I was a sideline watcher. Sunday we had another game, we sat on the opposite side because there was no way my legs were going to make that trip, but we cheered and had a good time. In the middle of our golf game, my stomach decided that it was time to revolt again. I cried, I cried because what I wanted to do couldn’t happen, I wanted more then what I did. I cried because all the time we had to drive and park, instead of just walking, I cried because Brad had to evaluate things to see if I “could” do it so I didn’t waste my legs. I didn’t want to be a sideline watcher but a participator. I could of stayed there, and just saw all what I couldn’t do, but in that moment God showed me all HE did. When the pictures were done, we were right by our car Friday night, while we did have to pay and park instead of walking from out hotel, there was always up close parking for me. He put it on my friends heart to not just pray herself but to have a group of women praying. I had friends reach out and say that God laid me on their heart heavy, and it was as God himself was saying, dont worry I am here. The times my stomach revolted I wasn’t in places I couldn’t get away. While the boys skated, I laughed, and laughed some more, and the videos that were made were priceless. We watched them yesterday and just laughed. The boys didnt see their mama as just a sideline mama but a mama who loved them. But most of all in my pain, they saw a mama who still praised Jesus, they saw a daddy praying for his wife, looking out for here and helping her. They heard their parents praising God each moment, and those gifts are priceless! God provided for us this whole weekend, to even hearing the boys say they wanted to see a bear, and having that bear walk right by our car on our last night. So I could look at how my body is betraying me, how the disease is progressing faster then I would like, or I can look at how good God is, how He allowed us to make memories that the boys will have forever.
It’s ok to waver, but its not ok to stay there. God tells us we suffer, we will have trials, and while Sunday night I prayed for him to take this away, he once again provided because we rode home and made it. No stops for my stomach, no pain until we pulled in the driveway at 2am.
Could God take Amyloidosis away, of course He could, but what if it took away all His glory from it, what if it altered my boys walk with Him just because I wanted it easier. He has this for a reason, and while I may not understand it, I trust Him. And while I may have down moments, looking up is where I choose to focus, because its there I can find peace, its there I can find freedom and you can too!
This weekend my body revolted, we saw more progression, but we laughed, we saw God in each moment. We have so many memories as a family, the boys said this was one of the best trips we took, and that was all God!