Hope

I heard from the Dr yesterday because I have been having a lot of chest pains, and so swollen, I gained 23.9 pounds in 2 days. He is going to increase my water pills even more. He is certain that the disease is progressing in my heart. He mentioned having another scan to monitor the progression, but it wouldn’t change anything. Unless they can prove the amyloid in the nerves I cant get the better medicine, even if the heart is getting worse. So I told him that at least for now before Christmas I dont want to know. Nothing will change if I do, so why do it? Last night was rough when I lay down, I feel like I am drowning. But it gives me time with God, it gives me quiet time to pray for others that He lays on my heart. Our Tuesday night Bible study is studying the book of Jeremiah it gives me lots of time to study when the house and world are quiet. I would lie if I wasn’t scared at times, but I really try not to stay there. I know what I want, but that may not be God’s plan.

My heart hurt when I had to tell Brad and saw his face, that’s what’s so hard about Amyloidosis not the pain, not the limited time, not the unknown, but my families heart being broken and my friends. Still no results from the biopsy, but he did say once they got it it takes 10 days. I pray that in those 3 small spots they got amyloid and can get me on better medicine. I pray that in this walk I always seek God, I pray that God transforms lives through this. I pray that my boys see a mama who loves Jesus with all her heart no matter what happens.

Bradley gets in the car daily and ask me if I had a good day, and I have been teaching him everyday is good, my body may fail that day but it doesnt change the day, I am alive and God has been good and faithful. Today we rest, lots of movie watching and fun games, tomorrow we go to our friends who have become family, the ones who discipled my family. The ones who told us all about Jesus, and we will laugh, and have a good time regardless of what my body does. Regardless of any test or biopsy. Thankful..thats what the Adams are thankful……