Perspective: a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something. It seems so simple, yet we change our perspective so many times and that changes our whole situation.
My legs hurt and are failing me….I have legs
My heart is not pumping the way it needs to….I have a heart
I have a fatal disease……but I am alive NOW
Function is leaving me……we adapt and change
I see my dads journey often…..my dads journey set me up to thrive!
I have Amyloidosis…I have a GOD THAT IS BIGGER!
I can easily look at the left and not see the right, and some days thats where I am at on the left and its so dark the right seems to be gone, but its not its just waiting on me. God is always waiting on me, waiting on me to trust Him, waiting on Him to WORK, to tell HIS Story.
Last night was my first night of an advisory board for Amyloidosis. I was so excited, all day long my legs were hurting and by 5 they were unbearable. As I am sitting on the board via zoom, there are 10 other people, all men and in different stages in the disease. As I sat there I saw my dad and his journey through the 3 years. I saw what was going to come, face to face again and it was a lot to take in. Advisory board was done, and I was in so much pain, but more so then physical the emotional pain was too much to take. It was a bad night I was up most of the night, talking and listening to God and I learned so much last night.
God’s timing is not my timing, my dad’s journey is not mine. As long as I have breath in me, God has a story to tell, I just have to be obedient and trust that His timing is perfect! My body and the enemy wants me to look at the list on the left and stay there, but if I just shift my eyes to the right oh what blessings have been there just waiting, just waiting.
When my dad was sick, he went to dr to dr to get a diagnosis, a diagnosis that didn’t matter to him because there was no treatment, but God knew that I would need it now. When my dad found out what he had, he did so much research on it, that I have it now. I sat on the advisory board listening to others and their stories of how difficult the diagnosis was, how frustrating it was, and I am so blessed I never had that. I was in denial but it was never hard to get it because God had provided years ago.
I look at the friends He has placed in my life, friends that know what I need before I do. Friends that just let me be me, let me cry when I need to and ready to have that shoulder ready. A year before my diagnosis God was setting those friendships up, He knew what was coming and He already provided for me.
I look at our associate pastor at church who was one of the first people I told, who I email asking for advice on how to walk this walk, who is always ready to help me see Jesus when my head is hanging so low I can’t see. Who is honest and doesn’t sugar coat things. God set that up a year before, because He knew.
I look at my marriage with Brad, and how he daily lives out his vows. Our sermons at church have been on marriage and I have struggled, not with out marriage but the burden I feel like I am placing on him. He never saw it that way, he has sent me texts that we are a forever couple. And during a drive recently God reminded me that the world has changed the view of marriage. I am not a burden to Brad, I am giving him an opportunity to visibly live out our marriage vows! He is showing two young boys just what marriage means, and how they should be to their future wives. The enemy likes to make us feel certain ways and we can stay there, BUT GOD! God can pulls us past that darkness, God is waiting to pull us past that darkness, God is waiting for me to lift my arms, fully surrender and LET HIM WORK.
I am reminded that this isn’t my home, my home is waiting for me, this is just temporary. I am reminded that God can see the whole story I can just see this small piece, and I should be humbled that God would use this to bring Him Glory….I am reminded that JIREH YOU ARE ENOUGH!