Last night our family once again saw this verse play out in front of us.
It started yesterday at 4am, when the devil just kept poking me, it was one thing after another, then my dear friend sends me this right before church
“Here is what I am commanding you to do. Be strong and brave. Do not be afraid. Do not lose hope. I am the Lord your God. I will be with you everywhere you go.” Joshua 1:9 Praying for you today!💜
We go to church and I can barely take notes that are readable because my hands are going numb, we go to lunch my stomach revolts, my legs were swelling and my body hurt. I just kept getting hit, but we were going to worship night at church and I figured that’s what the devil was trying to keep us from.
We get there at 5 to eat and fellowship with friends. We laughed, and joked. Then I was getting tired so we went inside to hang out and wait for the singing to start. Let me just tell you, if you were not at Liberty Church for worship night you missed something amazing! It was awesome! Half way I got tired and I should of sat down, but if I am being honest if I did sit down I felt like I was giving up on Jesus. He never gave up one me, so I kept telling myself really Faye you can’t stand and praise Him for an hour, so I stood and praised Him, hands raised. During the last song I know Jesus held me up, I felt my heart rate drop, I felt like I couldn’t catch a breath, and everyone seemed like they were so far away.
Service ended, I made it, I told Brad I needed help to sit down I couldn’t feel anything in my body, my heart rate was 40 and I just felt so out of it. Friends were coming to just say bye, and said they were going to sit there with us for a bit, and then the pain started and my heart rate jumped up. It’s all kind of fuzzy what happened, I know Brad ran home to get my nitroglycerin and I had a group of friends surrounding me, and I had people with my boys.
The ambulance came, blood pressure was high, EKG showed a fast heart rate, took 3 nitroglycerins, and got to tell her about Jesus and how I know He was the one that helped me get through and be able to praise.
I was/am embarrassed about all the commotion that was caused at church, the worry people felt, my boys having to see it again, and Brad having to handle more then he should. I am mad at myself because I should of sat down, and I am mad at my body for betraying me at a place where I wanted to leave Amyloidosis out of. Last night I kept asking God why, why there, why couldn’t He have let us make it home.
Matt’s sermon last week came to me in the middle of the night, that we are to carry one another’s burdens, and that’s what happened last night. Our boys saw the love of the church right in front of them, Brad wasn’t home alone while my body betrayed me, and as much as the devil wanted to push me into the darkness, the love of God pushed him back further and further with each breath I took last night.
I was reminded that nothing happens without God allowing it to, and while I would of much rather it happened another time, that was God’s plan and not mine.
Today I am exhausted and have a nitroglycerin headache. Today I will be meeting with God to help me, because I am crushed. Crushed that I have so many restrictions, crushed that Brad has to take on more then he should, just crushed. But I know God will meet me where I am, I know He will see me through again, because I know He was there last night.
Liberty is a big church, and it can be intimidating but it didn’t feel big last night, it felt like a family. I am forever grateful tot he friends that were with me last night, from holding hands, praying, wash clothes, watching our boys, they think they did nothing special, but they did. They did exactly what Matt has been preaching, BE THE CHURCH, the church is not 4 walls, it is not a building WE ARE THE CHURCH. They were the hands and feet last night, and when I reached out today, thought they did nothing special but they did.
Pray for them, because as hard as this walk is for me, I think it’s harder for them. I have been on both sides so I know. I am sitting here thinking of the lineup of songs, even that was to prepare me for what was to come, I will praise God as long as I have breath…..
To my friends….thank you will never cover what our hearts feel.