This past weekend we were in PA, to celebrate our new holiday Hallothanksmas! What is Hallothanksmas, its all 3 holidays wrapped in one!!!On Halloween we had thanksgiving dinner with all the fixings and then we ended it with Christmas and opening presents. It was great! With PA the weather is so hard to predict so going at that time, it was close enough to the time, but still far enough out we shouldn’t hit snow on the way. Plus it was easier for Brad to get off then closer to the holiday.

As I look back on these pictures all I can see is laughs and smiles and I am so thankful for that! It was a 9 hour and 20 minute drive and it was rough, but with God we made it safely and my body held its own. We had to make more stops then we would of before, but that’s ok. I am learning to give my body grace that it needs, which is hard for me, but I am trying.

My prayer is that my boys can look back and see this, see the smiles, see the laughs, and feel the love that comes off each picture. We stayed at my sisters and she has steps, and I realized how much strength I am losing in my legs, but God! He helped me each step, I fell once but both boys were there, they think they helped but it was the stairs that caught me, but I am glad because I know their heart would be broken. If you see us out and Brad isnt with us, the boys will be walking with me to make sure I don’t fall or if I lose my balance they are there. Every time my mind wanted to sink, God was right there to pick me up and show me to look at the flowers He has planted.

As we were getting these pictures taken, I had tears in my eyes, hard to tell with all the laughs and smiles, but I was wandering if I would make it next year. That’s the part of Amyloidosis nobody ever talks about, the end. I know we are all dying, and we are not guaranteed tomorrow, or even the next second, but death to me seems to be right there. I didn’t stay there though because God pulled me out, I know this because I know me, and I would have stayed there, so I know it was God.

I know that that whole weekend, God was pulling me out of myself, to just be in the moment, enjoy the moment, be thankful that we were able to make the trip. We plan to do this each year as our annual holiday time.

I pray I can stay here, in this moment of thankfulness, in this moment of JOY, not looking at how my body is betraying me, how much strength I am losing.

I pray that God will continue to pull me out of the darkness back into the light and show me the flowers that are being planted in this valley.

I pray my boys look at this weekend, and see love, see how much God provided for us, how even when it is hard, He will never leave you.

I pray I walk this valley for Him, I pray that I fully let go and surrender and enjoy the freedom that that will provide…because I know once I let go, let go of what I expected my life to be, what I think should happen, there is such freedom waiting for me…..

For now I am resting because it really wore me out, and looking back at this pictures makes me smile so much, because God…….

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