There is power and prayer and surrender, I know because I experienced it last night. I struggle with finding balance, balance in living life to the fullest, and resting my body because it can not do all the things that I want it to do. I thought I was finding the balance, I have accepted help in more areas then I was before. But yet these past few days my body has been struggling…..
I probably should have reached out to my dr before sunday night, I should have noticed the slight changes that were happening, the fluid that I was holding kept growing and I should have taken notice. I love watching Bradley play football, but it really is hard on the body, there are usually steps, walking, and sitting there for 2-3 hours is a lot. This past Saturday we sat on the wrong side because there was no way these legs were going to make it to the other. I was just glad that he could look up in the stands and see us. By Sunday night my legs were so swollen it felt like they would have split open. I emailed my dr, and he prescribed another water pill, I picked it up Monday morning. Yesterday I was struggling to breath, my heart rate was hanging out in the low 40’s most of the day, it didn’t come up till the evening, I was exhausted. I had such pain in my hands, legs, felt like I was gasping for air, and I was GRUMPY! I was just mad at the world, sitting on the floor crying.
I had reached out to friends to pray, I put on facebook for people to pray, and I felt them.
Last night was one of the lowest spots of my walk with Amyloidosis. I begged God to just take me home, that I could not do this, it was too much. I cried to Brad that this was too much, the pain was too much, struggling to get air was too much, that I couldn’t keep going.
God met me there, right in my balled up mess of emotions and pain, and let me know that He has me, He has this, and He will carry me when I can not walk. I know it was the prayers of others that got me there, I know this because I was so focused on the pain, on the struggle that I couldn’t see past it and then there was God. Not that He was hiding, but it was me who couldn’t see Him.
I am forever thankful for praying friends and family and they have no idea the impact they have made on not just my life but my family’s life. The boys have a present mama today, I am better than I was yesterday, my body is still very much fighting, but I am better. I lost 22 pounds in fluid yesterday and 3 pounds so far this morning. My heart rate is coming up slowly but coming up. But regardless of all that, my soul is better, my soul is at peace, my soul is no longer begging God to bring me home, but asking what He wants me to do.
Thank you for praying, thank you for reaching out and helping, and moving past my own stubbornness. God is soooo good, and so faithful. This verse is still very much on repeat in my head because I know I made it because He carried me, He heard the prayers from others, He wept with me on the floor…………