Amyloidosis has changed my life. This weekend was an up close and personal look at the limits I have. Bradley had a jamboree for football about 2 hours away. Brad got off for the day (had to be back to go to work at 5) because me driving that far, isn’t the best choice. So he drove, I sat in the car, we got there there wasn’t that much walking, and I sat in my chair from about 9-2, I got up to cheer or to see better at times, but I wouldn’t say I was on my feet a lot. Brad drove home, and went to work, and the boys and I went to the grocery store, came home and had dinner. That night my whole body was so tired, like I ran a million miles, my legs felt like they were in concrete, I never experienced the level of tiredness as I did Saturday night. Sunday woke up and was like ok they are better, but literally all day yesterday I was stumbling. Praise God He makes sure that there is something right there, always. In the boys room getting their fall clothes out and together, stumbled but thankful had a chair there, or walking down the hall and having the wall there. Today they are just tingling and painful but I am not walking as much. Even as I am typing this my hands and arms are going numb and tingling, and I just stopped and had about a 5 minute cry.

I know that God has this, I know that God is in control, but to lose function, some days it feels as though I am losing me. It can be so easy to get wrapped in to all that I am losing, and not what I still have and what I am gaining. God never promised me an easy life, and this isn’t my home I am just passing through. Like I said yesterday I was a stumbling nightmare, and Brads allergies were on 1000 and I know every time I moved his eyes were on me and close by, and in the end I never fell I stumbled, but God never allowed me to fall. This morning a sweet friend emailed a prayer for me, and it fit with this weekend, with the pain, numbness, stumbling, and emotional turmoil that it took on me. They normally text, but this was an email and it came at just the right time. God is like that!

This may not be the way I wanted life to be, but its where I am, I can choose how I deal with it, and what I focus on. My prayer is that my body sheds weight fast enough for me to run, really run with my boys before my legs decide they don’t want want to run anymore.

What are you choosing to focus on today, what you are losing or gaining? Are you looking up or inward? Because I know I can’t do this on my own, but with Him, I can move one awkward stumble to the next!

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